Metanoia

belgian guy in jeans

Howzit! I’m Mattias, a freelance software engineer working remotely while traveling the world. I wear jeans where normal people don’t and these are some stories from the road.

On sandy toes, somewhere on a beach in Bali, my early afternoon stroll along the shoreline comes to a sudden end. A big pile of post-covid-poverty dirt and litter separates me from getting lost any further on this beautiful thursday in may.

The restlessness of life from a suitcase made me not pick up a pen in almost a year. I guess it’s just hard to dance your way through life sitting behind a typewriter.

With still a few hours left to kill before signing in to this weeks final graveyard shift packed with code reviews and online meetings, I have an unexpected urge to stop wandering and write down some of my thoughts and memoirs.

An unmatched sense of peacefulness just came down on me on the Island of Gods. It smells like canang sari incense and has the sound of Galt MacDermot’s ‘66 unsung Coffee Cold, amplified by the healing hypnotic amplitude of water turning white.

How did I end up here and what makes me get to live this extraordinary jet setting life while it seems so far out of reach for most people. “Living the dream, aren’t you.” I think I do, as I wonder gratefully what new friends the day will bring.

Journalling again for more troubled days as this might somehow remind me of how living in a slow paced place by the ocean gives me new perspectives, teaches me to measure success differently and ultimately can lead to a more satisfied mind.

Somewhere down the road I unleashed myself from the old magnolia to manifest a possible heart while wayfaring through a sea of pointless placebo’s. Constantly exploring and reconstructing what’s in between the limitlessness of what I can do and the effortlessness of the few i-have-to’s.

Homecoming to the eagles nest, yet residing in exile for more than I embrace. We hike up the steepest slopes before the crack of dawn while same time, different day, still pouring shots of some like the sun won’t rise no more. A 5am club for everyone.

Will this wild unsettled life suit me forever? Maybe not. Hard to tell but time will. Until a greater passion crosses my path and puts me down, out there in the wilderness is where you can find me. With or without shoes.

Note: Any resemblance to real persons, dead or alive, or other real-life entities, past or present, is absolutely not coincidental. If you recognise yourself in my story or one of it’s many metaphors, you made a lasting impression on my journey.

Somehow it’s already been 8 months since I ended my marriage and left the safety of my home to catch a new wave in life. What was intended to be a three months trip to South Africa turned out to be something more.

A tipping point beyond expectations. Some refer to it as living your best life.

From accidental life from a suitcase, engaging with the unknown road, eventually ending up being homeless on the corner of Craig and Verwood, to gathering sunsets by the pool with the ménage and further establishing my new longterm relationship with this beauty, called life.

Lips like sugar but hard to handle, she got in the way of what I’ve started in here. Six months and over twenty Airbnbs further down the line, there’s no time like the present to reflect on my journey once again.

The greatest summer. By far.
Endorsed by a whole new network of international friendships, nomad-dinners, co-living experiences, therapeutic group hikes, inspiring coworking sessions and spontaneous road trips along the Peninsula, …

Never waste a good crisis, they say. We sure as hell didn’t. Not even for a day. As we’ve all been waiting on a vaccine for the terminal fomo.

Moments and memories could easily fade away if it weren’t for my camera roll keeping track of how rejuvenating and elevating this whole escapade has been.

If only the socks gone missing with ex-roomies would someday show up to tell the stories, they could help us with remembering how grand life can be.

The months went by and bye… swallowed by an ever-changing crowd of hellos and goodbyes that continuously challenged this introvert in many ways. Although I’m failing terribly to keep up with the array of numbers that found their way into my phone, some of them undeniably had a huge impact on this whole process and the personal growth that came with it.

Looking back and dealing with divorce, there’s no way of knowing if I’ll ever find myself part of something that pure and reliable again. Still, I carry on with no regrets and can’t help but think the only thing I had left to give, was to walk away.

As summer inevitable came to an end, I’ve comfortably settled for the construction site my life tends to feel like. Embarked on a new mission to make this life of no compromise as sustainable as possible. Once more, by pulling out the rusty nails that hold up everything i’ve known.

mourning routines

Focal points. A little hack to keep balanced while learning yoga exercises before my customary morning cigarette drenched in coffee. Happy Valley palm tree leaves, a miniature sailboat about to disappear behind the Atlantic horizon or slowly moving my eyes along the path of the incandescent clouds whispering over the misty twelve apostels. No sight fails to amaze in this majestical little place on earth.

A few weeks ago I set foot on land in Camps Bay and introduced myself to six other citizens of the world. I’ve been co-living with them for this first part of my stay in Cape Town.

Remarkable and rememberable things can happen when people didn’t choose each other and end up living together.

With nothing much more in common than mutual respect and an open mind, completely different cultural backgrounds can be exactly what one needs to expand your perspectives and fight off the enemy called comfort-zone.

Acoustic sunset romance with the backing vocals of dying branches gasping for their last breaths before tumbling into the ashes of the braai. Daybreak coding sessions make up for a lengthy lunch nearby the beach. If life is only as good as the memories we make, I think i’m exactly where i needed to be.

As the blended Strathearn family members are about to all go our separate ways to spend the holidays, I can somehow sense the impending doom of a lonely Christmas. No family or friends this year. No pointless conversation about the meaning of life with my furry buddy.

Far out of sight is society that conditioned me to not even try finding comfort in being alone. Set sail. I’ll do it the hard way if I have to.

Viento, que viene de la montaña
Viento, que viene del mar
Viento, tráenos la claridad
Viento, tráenos la libertad
Vuela, vuela, volá
con nosotros

There’s something peculiar about flying from one empty airport to another on an airplane with only a few seats taken. Tell-tale signs I am probably not supposed to do this. Intercontinental traveling during a global pandemic happens to come with a lot of uncertainties.

Will they refuse me at the next checkpoint because of some restriction i’ve overlooked? It crosses my mind, but honestly, I am too exhausted to even be bothered. I’ll figure it out if shit hits the fence and I’m forced to return.

It takes quite some preparation in order to make sure every aspect of life and running a company can be managed remotely. This is not a holiday. Life goes on and responsibilities won’t just vanish overnight.

Since international borders might close again at any point, i’ve allowed myself exactly one week to ignore the trauma i’ve been dealing with and not miss this potentially small window to leave.

It got me caught up in a massive todo-list and ended with packing only few hours before leaving. The required PCR test came in on my way to the airport and it was only a few days ago I all of the sudden realised I didn’t have all mandatory vaccins to even be allowed on that aircraft.

All of that while saying goodbyes to loved ones for too many nights in a row and maintain working fulltime to not miss my project’s mid January deadline… it’s been a hectic ride to say the least.

It was only at the Cape Town Airport customs and covid screening I could rest assured they’d let me in. As with most successes in life, luck has to be on your side as well.

So here I am, South-Africa.
May our journey commence.

so what about cape town?

Belgium is in lockdown. It has been for a while now and it’s not getting better any time soon. Restrictions including closure of all non-essential businesses and we’re not even allowed to have guests over for a dinner at home. This winter season can get cold, lonely and dark very easily.

While in Lisbon I had several inspiring conversations about how the pandemic is forcing us into time and location independent working. Something i’ve always embraced is finally getting the adoption it deserves. And it’s here (or anywhere) to stay (or leave) for generations to come.

Aside from locations like Bali, Mexico, Greece or even Nairobi, people kept bringing “Kaapstad” up as one of the top destination for a 21st century digital boy much like myself.

After intensive research, it did tick a lot of boxes for me. The unmatched beauty of misty mountains watching over the ocean, the countless beaches, a vibrant citylife, incredible landscapes, wildlife and a digital nomad community with lots of accommodations for remote workers. Not to mention summer being just around the corner.

Most of the other possibilities got eliminated due to timezone differences. Attending team meetings at 3am is not the best way to keep work vs. life balanced.

Until a few weeks ago I never even aspired coming to Cape Town one day. But given my requirements no other place on the planet makes more sense.

Just trying to wrap my head around this now… I’ve never really been on my own and i’m about to leave for a destination unknown with nobody I’ve ever known within a radius of thousands of miles.

I have been yearning for a life like this when I was much younger… but it does scare the shit out of me right now.

In the aftermath of dreadful stages in life, i tend to make unusual game-changing decisions. When my mother got a severe stroke back in 2014, paralyzing half of her body and taking away her ability to speak, i quit my job and started my own business with zero clients and my only mentor fading out.

A while ago my fifteen year relationship passed its expiration date and the grief that comes along with that got the best of me. It’s ok to feel sad after making the right decision, they say. At least it is for a while.

After spending a few weeks working remotely in Lisbon earlier this month, i haven’t exactly been doing cartwheels coming back home. But today marks the day i’m pulling myself together. My time has come to rise from the ashes once more.

I’m leaving Europe for a hibernation in Cape Town, South-Africa.

——–

PS: I’ve been doing some writing lately and i’m sharing parts of it over the next few weeks, so stay tuned on instagram or facebook for more updates…